{Relationships} Advice from Ms L – Who pays?
For our first Ms L post we go back, way back to start of a relationship, the first date. It’s not easy to go out there and meet your perfect mate, there is some definite touchy issues to deal with. Here is Ms L’s take on how to deal with some first date woes.
Q: How would you feel if a man you really like asks you out on a date and asks that you pay 50% of the bill? What are the rules about this? What is the appropriate response?
A: There was a time when the ‘rules’ were black and white, the guy asked the girl out, picked her up, took care of the bill and dropped her off at home.
These days we don’t know when the ‘dating part’ ends and the relationship begins, when it’s exclusive or not. Nothing is stable or obvious anymore, everything needs to be constantly negotiated.
Being a independent woman
As women we want to be independent, empowered, make our own decisions, pay our own way and so forth. We take pride in our independency and in the fact that we can do everything that men can and so we should but this left a lot of men in the grey. They do not know when to be a man without offending the empowered independent women we are. It is often a hit-and-miss situation, sometimes they hit it and they become these sexy, amazing, strong gentle brothers but sometimes they miss it and end up looking like cheap jerks in our eyes.
What are the rules?
There are no set rules; it is space that needs constant negotiation, flexibility and understanding. People often say you must always know what you want in a partner but sometimes it is easier to know what you don’t want than what you want. So use what you don’t want (not what you expect) to start this negotiation because he may be battling with the same questions as you. Remember to always do what is comfortable and best for you because that is the whole point of the negotiation.
If you have any Ms L on dating, love or marriage, email us at [email protected]
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