Isidingo star Kgomotso Christopher talks about some of her greatest roles – that of a life partner and mother.

Actress Kgomotso Christopher (32) has known her husband and the love of her life, Calvin Christopher her entire adult life. In fact, when we meet for our interview she mentions that it’s been 14 years (to the day) that she first met her husband during her first week at the University of Cape Town.

Kgomotso is currently one of the stars of SABC’s hugely popular soapie series Isidingo. She plays the gorgeously evil character Katlego Sibeko, a role that seems to have been tailor-made for her. Before that, she played a role which gained her quite a following – Nox Madondo, the rich and beautiful but terribly unhappy wife with a cheater for a husband in the drama series 4Play: Sex Tips for Girls in 2010.

However, very few people know what an accomplished actress Kgomotso actually is. She completed a Bachelor of Arts degree and earned her MFA at Columbia University in New York with her husband always right there by her side.

During the couple’s bouts of living on different continents and times when their relationship had to be long distance their connection has always remained remarkably stable. Even though she admits that they are different, with her being the more outspoken and artsy half of the couple and him being “Type A – calm, very shy and introverted”, something about their union has always worked.

Even with a handsome husband, two adorable children (Larona – 4 and Lesika – 3) and a face and body to die for, Kgomotso is down to earth, charming and chatty. And because she is an actor and most actors are storytellers, the way Kgomotso tells the story of her marriage is not only riveting but will have you believing in love at first sight.

How did you and Calvin meet?
We met at the University of Cape Town during orientation week at the Freshers Ball. We didn’t waste time (laughs). His friend introduced us. He is American so we both knew that he was leaving to go back to the states in five months. We didn’t rush, we had an amazing time getting to know each other and getting to know Cape Town. He went back and we kept in touch and had a long distance relationship for three years. He moved back to South Africa to do his master’s degree and when he was done we moved back to America.

When did you know that he was the one?
When I went over there to visit him was when I realised that we might have something serious. We just loved spending time together. We realised that this thing was bigger than me and him. We never had to fight for things to go our way.

How did he propose?
We were in Los Angeles; it was during the December holidays on Christmas Eve. He proposed on Malibu Beach. We went out for dinner at a restaurant.  The whole night I could see that this person was nervous and stressed. I sensed that maybe he wanted to propose and I remember thinking that I have to do my nails. He got on his knees. He was serious about paying lobola. We came back to South Africa and had combined lobola negotiations and a traditional ceremony. His adopted family from his time in Cape Town came as his ‘uncles’ to negotiate the lobola.

What were your thoughts on marriage before getting married? Did either of you have any other marriage to hold up as an example?
Both our parents are divorced. I think that is the reason why we both took our time. His parents separated when he was two and mine when I was 15. We got married really young so we didn’t have our peers’ marriages as an example. But we were both brought up to aspire to be in good relationships and to take our time.

Can you give us a brief description of your wedding day?
We got married in Muldersdrift before it become famous as the Wedding Mile. We got married on 27 November because it was a long weekend in America due to the Thanksgiving holiday and the American family could attend. My mother had to plan the wedding as I was in the States at the time. The theme was Afro-chic with burnt orange everywhere. It was a circus but it was beautiful.

You and your husband are from different countries with different cultures. Has that ever been an issue in your marriage?
Even though my husband is American he has always been very worldly and sensitive to other cultures. He has always surrounded himself with people outside of his circle. We have more in common than not. We were both raised by single parents and we are both from black communities. He is also very good with languages; he is learning Sesotho and isiZulu. He learnt to speak Mandarin while he was in China. It also helps that he didn’t come to South Africa just for me. He fell in love with the place and with the cultures.

What have your roles as a mother, a wife and an actress taught you?
Motherhood has taught me patience and perspective. That even though some moments may seem overwhelming, not every difficult moment is the sinking of the Titanic. From acting I have learnt adaptability and flexibility. I have a hard time thinking of anything that being a wife has taught me, because my husband and I have always considered each other as friends, life partners and soul mates. We are still spontaneous. We fight for our youthfulness and we are holding on to that first burst of love.

How have you and your husband made sure that your marriage stays strong?
We spend a lot of quality time together, even though our definition of quality time has changed with the kids. We try to keep weekends clear of work. We also try to celebrate those precious moments, like anniversaries, and go on family holidays. The simplest of moments are what matter. If he has time he will bring the kids along to the set so we can all have lunch. Sometimes I will go to his office and squeeze in a quick lunch.

Do you have any advice you would like to share with other couples taking the leap?
Don’t change. That’s part of the myth of marriage, especially for women because we take on other roles and forget to be ourselves. Marriage should be fun and spontaneous like it was when you were still boyfriend and girlfriend. Marriage shouldn’t change that. Hold on to what brought you together.